I always remember my Mom every time I listen to this song to the point that I find myself in tears…
Being the only child, I was blessed with all her love and care… I was the center of her attention and I felt so proud and lucky… really proud… I would always remember the lullaby “Baleleng” she would sing for me to lull me to sleep and how she spent sleepless nights when we have “brownouts” using any paper fan for me have a comfortable sleep…
She was always there for me no matter what…
In times when I feel down, depressed and confused… she would always be there by side… comforting me…
Now that she’s gone, There’s a big hole in my being that can never be filled… People will never understand the real pain inside that eats you up each passing day… but you need to survive… to live for those people who are alive.. those who need you… those you love… and to find purpose and meaning to life amidst the loss, amidst the sadness…
It always makes me think how I failed her in so many ways… how I wasn’t able to give her the much attention she needed… how I was so busy with my life, work and other things that I forget telling her how much I love her…
Where ever you are now… I’m so sorry for being lesser of a son to you and lesser of a man you want me to be… and I’m trying my best to be a better person to my kids, my wife and other people…
Thank you, Mama… I love you…
Here’s another version of the song… and the lyrics below…
Hate Me – Blue October
I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head
They’re crawling like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There’s a burning in my pride,
A nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you
Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me
Just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me?
It is I that wanted space
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah, ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
I’m sober now for three whole months,
It’s one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart
Is the one thing I won’t touch again
In a sick way I want to thank you
For holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself,
You were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions
On things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself
When it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away
That I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart
To leave me behind
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah, ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
And with a sad heart, I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street
For every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy,
I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes crying,
And I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling,
“make it go away!”
Just make a smile come back
And shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered,
“How can you do this to me?”
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah, ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
For you
For you
For you